It’s been a long time since my last blog post. So much have happened in my life. As in life changing events. Yolanda happened. Struggles and changes happened. But if there is one event that turned my life to a 360 degree turn it would be when I had my Olivia.
I consider Olivia to be my unexpected miracle and, yes, a blessing. She’s an unexpected miracle because prior of having her I was really confused and torn. I was at a crossroad wherein I really don’t know where to go. I have a pending petition for abroad and I should stay single if I want it pursued. Of course I want it but it’s also my dream to get married and have my own family. See? It’s really hard to choose! I can’t have both - at least for the meantime. It was really tough not only for me but also to Ian. It’s unfair that I have to choose but it’s more unfair for him. But that’s just how life is. We make sacrifices and we make tough choices.
I think I haven’t said yet why my Olivia was unexpected, hehe.. Well, coz she came unplanned (no pun intended hehe..) It was May 29, 2014 when I saw those stripes. I felt overwhelmed coz I had just miscarried three months prior. I really got scared! But when I first saw her through ultrasound (of course) in June 5, 2014 I got emotional. I was happy coz she’s finally real! Then reality sinked in. I had to finally make a choice if it’s the “American Dream” or my “Happily-ever-after”. I chose the former. I know that many will raise their brows on my decision but I don’t owe them any explanation as long as the people I care about respect my decision. Fortunately, they’re with me in this journey. I know too that, sadly, Daddy God isn’t favorable with my decision :( But I am hoping for His forgiveness and compassion. I know in His time things will fall into place. He knows my reasons and He knows the desires of my heart.
Writing about this feels like a heavy weight was taken off my chest. Although everyday I'm still haunted by my decision but knowing that I have Ian & Olivia and my family is enough to keep me going.
Writing about this feels like a heavy weight was taken off my chest. Although everyday I'm still haunted by my decision but knowing that I have Ian & Olivia and my family is enough to keep me going.
My journey to motherhood was not an easy one and definitely not drama free (knowing me haha!) I had quite a few scare during my pregnancy so I had a lot of utz’s just to check if Olivia was ok. My first trimester was horrible since I had morning sickness almost everyday. I really lost a lot of weight then. My second trimester was quite a breeze. My only complaint during my third trimester was the sleep position. It's really hard to sleep with a big belly and a baby inside who only wants one position! Thankfully, I was one of those lucky preggy mothers who did not gain much weight or had any skin problems.
Olivia's estimated birthdate was December 22, 2014. But on December 10, 2014 (four days after typhoon Ruby and electricity was still unstable...aaggghh) I was already experiencing pains (birth pains I assume) and I was already at 3cm so my OB advised me to go to the hospital. I was already induced after a day because I was not progressing. On December 13, 2014, I was already at 5cm. After 3 days, I only progressed to 5 cm!!! So my OB gave me until 6 PM or else we would have to go through an emergency CS :(
Unfortunately, I was only up to 5 cm :( I felt so disappointed because I was preparing for a normal delivery. But no more time for drama or else my baby would be endangered. So yes, at 6:11 PM on 12/13/14 Olivia came out to this world! Though I was groggy during the operation, I felt teary eyed hearing Olivia's cry! Thankfully, the pedia put her above my chest right away (after cleaning her of course). She made Olivia feed on my breasts. If I'm not mistaken it was our Unang Yakap! :) It felt euphoric! (more about my journey as a new mum in the next blog post)
